next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
