we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
