I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
