You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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