YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
