why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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