Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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