i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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