if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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