$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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