i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
