but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Found your dick twin last night
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
