Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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