Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
