I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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