im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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