im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
