I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
