i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
