i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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