is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
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My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
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It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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