I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
