I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
