Kiss
Puke
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
