so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize