Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
