They should really pass out barf bags in church
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
