either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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