question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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