I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Ladies don't puke and tell
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
