Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
