He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
