I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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