Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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