The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
