Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
