I am puke
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
