the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
