i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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