Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
