Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
