we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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