so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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