did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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