Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
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You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
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she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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