Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
