I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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