and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
