just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
