literally had 100 drinks last night.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
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you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
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That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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