in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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