I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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