Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize