I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
