So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
