to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
