If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
