I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
