I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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