your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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