my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
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Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
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You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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