No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize