Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Screwed.edu
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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