I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
