Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
